Absolute minimum you need to know about Mars and Venus
- Do not try to “improve” or change your man. Instead: unconditional love and positive reinforcement at the time when he does something in the direction you need.
- Do not tease or annoy a man who has retreated to his cave. When man is stressed, he will try activities with minimal brain stimulation, allowing distraction and relaxation. That is the most important point about men. Caves are sacred. Instead: Let him be. Cave locations: couch in front of TV, office, chair in front of computer, pub, fireplace in the cave, friend’s place. Let them go to the cave and let them come out on their own terms. Call your mum, sisters, brothers, friends while he is in the cave. Letting him to be in isolation is the best thing you can offer as a wise wife.
- When you need to vent, just warn him. Everybody needs to vent, so if you tell him in advance that you are just venting, not seeking solutions, he should stop interjecting with his “solutions”.
- Men MUST feel needed. That is the only way to motivate him. Your man sees your fulfilment as his own, so the man who loves will do anything to make you happy, wishing to provide for you and take care of you.
- Women might inherently feel unworthy of love and that is why they start giving and caring too much about others, degrading to compulsive self-sacrifice. These women should start learning to receive.
- Women talk emotion language, while men talk facts. Instead: if you want something from men, do not hint, be direct, rational and logical (Not: we never make love. Try instead: let’s have a 30 day challenge of making love every day”).
- Men in relationships can be like rubber bands: all the way with you and all the way without you. Let him go through the cycle of retracting without chasing him down. He will come back. (Almost like a cave).
- Women are like waves: giving, needy cycles. Recognise it and let yourself feel down sometimes and ask for his help and reassurance when you are down.
- Groundbreaking: very different basic needs
|Women need to receive||Men need to receive|
- Keeping score. For men, one big thing equals millions of little. For women, one (big or small thing) equals one score. So if he provides for you financially, he thinks he does not have to take the garbage out and help you with children at night. Instead: allow him to give you more. Give him an opportunity to spend time with children, ask him for help and advice.
- You get points for appreciating and get penalty points for disapproving, rejecting and being confusing.
- When the conflict is ingrained or reoccurring, try the technique of love letters. It works.
Just read that they are planning to make a movie out of this book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: The Movie