Secrets of instant connection
Can you instantly penetrate the mind of other person? Would you like to?
Do you remember Avatar? I just love that scene when Neytiri mounts that dragon creature, switches into its nervous system and flies. Instant understanding and unity.
Well, humans do not have these braids…
However, humans still have this ability.
We can “read” each other through communication and interaction. That is the only way we can connect: emotionally, spiritually and intellectually.
The most powerful communication and interaction technique is conversation.
Conversations can be wasted in many unproductive ways:
- discussion of depressing news
- perpetuating fears (like zombie apocalypses, increased price of living, pedophile and rapists attacks)
Or conversations can be used for instant spiritual recognition, bonding and connection. These are usually one-on-one conversations where nobody is pressed for time. Instant soul recognition conversations can be about:
- Childhood memories and experiences (if it is still in your memory, it is an important part of who you are)
- Dreams and goals
- Spiritual topics like existence/non-existence of God or other Supreme Being
For the conversation to happen, you have to:
- Allow time (they usually take up time)
- Open your heart for revelations or compassion
- Be prepared for a sad element. 80% of bonding conversations are about unhappy experiences: miscarriage, death, divorce…
Once we had a conversation about childhood in our office and one of the bosses shared over the morning tea that his mother used to beat him up quite cruelly. This revelation was unexpected and we did not know what to say in response to it, but I understand the way he thinks and why he is the way he is much better now. I got a great insight into his life and perception, this one insight is worth 100 of hours of meaningless conversations.
Bonding conversations are very powerful.
Here are three areas where you can use them to your advantage.
Husband and wife often drift apart because they co-exist without trying to connect in a meaningful and productive way. The most powerful topic for the family would be discussion of common goals and fears.
Instead of “You always procrastinate, honey. Just apply for this promotion, we need more money!”, try: “Honey, I have noticed that you are procrastinating with applying for this promotion, is something bothering you”
Instead of “These greedy supermarkets are just raising their prices up and up, they do not care about us. My love, you keep spoiling kids with this expensive chocolate, you must stop it”, try: “Do you think we could discuss after dinner the ways we could save on groceries?” instead of
Or another idea is to dream together: if you had another life, who would you be?
Once you get to know each other a little bit and you know his favorite book, movie and interests; you will be around stage 4 of the algorithm. Try turning conversation to his childhood memories and from there to the topic of how he would like to raise his own children. What he would like to give them? What his parents gave them that he would like to pass on or may be what his parents never gave him but he would like to give to his children. That will test both: how family oriented he is and whether your views are incompatible.
Test the views in the areas of finances, what are his main beliefs there? Chores, dreams, 5-years from now plans. Just direct conversation with questions and listen to him opening up.
When I cannot decide which one of two ways to take, I use this awesome technique.
I have an inner conversation to bond with my inner me and ask: “Who would be the person I would have asked advice?” For example, the answer is mother. “Ok, what would she say?” Because I know my mother quite well, I know exactly what she would have told me. Then I follow imaginary advice of my mother. The premise is that you already know your decision, you are just not up for it, but after imaginary advice, taking decisions becomes easier.
Did you have a deep and meaningful connection with someone today? This week?