Wife

Sleeping with an enemy

09/07/2012 , 1 Mrs Hill

My husband’s mantra is: never go to bed angry.

His Dad shared it with him as a marriage advice when we got together. And he is just religious about it.

Sometimes, I don’t feel like working out our differences when I am tired and cranky but he always insists on it (and that is why I love him). I can always rely on him for that.

The problem with going to bed angry is that when you wake up, you have to act normally and suppress your yesterday’s feelings or you still have to act hurt-and-angry in order to be consistent.

Suppressing is wrong especially for women. How many times we heard a story of a quiet divorce? When the couple lived peacefully for 20 years, never had a fight and then divorced.  That is what women tend to do.

Rationalisations to suppress include:

• it is not a big deal
• I am afraid if we will start digging, some other old grudges might re-surface
• It is too late and we have to wake up early tomorrow

Women with suppressed feelings start avoiding sex, relationships with the husband go from bad to worse, and then they start having migraines initially and more serious illness eventually.

Being angry when you wake up is also wrong. You start your day as an angry woman, yell at your children, look disapprovingly at your husband, miss your gym workout, make an error at work, by the end of the day you are even angrier and by the end of the week you are filing for divorce.

It is all so easy to avoid.

Work out your differences, tell him why you are hurt. Tell him how he can improve next time. Kiss.

Have a make-up love session if you want, but never go to bed angry!