Two budgets and marriage
There is a new phenomenon in marriage: separate budgets.
This is very interesting. It can be summarized like “we are committed and we are together but we are not committed enough to join our budgets”.
Both of the couples we knew with this attitude divorced quite promptly after getting married.
What is happening in a family with separate budgets?
Why it is not working?
- It is a problem in trust. Someone does not trust the other enough to share financial burden.
- It is a problem in communication. This couple is not able to communicate and talk through about everyday financial obligations, income, expenditures.
- This couple has spilt financial goals, because financial goals are now split into three groups: his goals, her goals and common goals.
- There are many more problems with this attitude: each person seems to think that he or she contributes more into the budget and spends less. It is just the common trait of human personality that people always think that they give more and get less in the relationships.
Would the Ninja Wife ever build a marriage with two budgets?
First, you have to think, whether you both are willing to commit fully or just let the other person go, because if you are planning on expanding the family, two budgets will always work against the woman.
If you are not willing to commit, then you know what to do.
If you are willing, then you have to raise it with your husband.
Choose the right time, right place and have a conversation. Does he think that now you can both take relationships on a new level and commit financially? Listen to what he has to say. If he gives some realistic pre- conditions, listen and think. If you think that he has to curb his spending habits, discuss the ways with him.
Put in an effort and time. The joined budget is worth it.
If he just does not seem to be able to commit, then maybe it is his way of saying that he is not ready. Do not push it. But if you think you can discuss it again, discuss. Discuss without slightest criticism, talk to him from the position of financial planning of the future life. Listen, ask questions and put your arguments for his consideration. Try to work with the fears together, whether these fears are founded or unfounded.
My husband and I had this conversation before our marriage and both of us agreed that marriage (as a concept) was quite intimidating for both of us. Marriage is a big leap of faith and commitment. We both agreed that we can have certain allowances on a fortnightly basis. My allowance was for beauty and his was for beer. Years passed, we do not have allowances any more, we are both working on OUR financial goals, we are both looking into ways of increasing OUR income and cutting OUR expenses. Everything we achieved in this life, we achieved together and we are both immensely proud of this.
Families can grow from strength to strength together through full commitment including financial commitment.
Do you think two budgets can work?
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